heatxsink.com

I'm really wondering how much "personal health" means to some people. There is a part of me that wants to say oh screw it when it comes to personal health. But from my past experiences, I think that's one of the most important caveats that most humans overlook. Well maybe humans in the United States. I think technology is really starting to push the limit of how humans live in general. For example, for some reason when installing their satellite TV my new neighbors seemed to have severed the coaxial cable which brings internet and mtv into my apartment. So now there's a possibility that my apartment will be internet-less for the greater part of the week. And I definitely feel at a loss, but I realize this particular loss is okay. I don't want to be tethered to technology. But it's interesting how much of it eventually consumes our lives. Internet for the most part is like electricity, and I see it going that way. More and more devices are relying on an internet connection, like voice over IP phones which some cable companies are trying to market. Imagine something like my situation occurs and you have a voice over IP phone! You'd be without a phone, but now with everyone having a cell phone I guess there would be some kind of redundancy. Back to humans in the United States, and health. The relation to the internet blurb and health was that, like with the TV most people get into this routine of doing something when they get home from work. I've been trying to change it up so that my routine is going home changing and hitting the gym, and without much failure, it's been working. So when I was in the terminal at LAX, I walked by McDonald's and saw that they are now selling these pedometers. I thought that was the funniest thing I'd ever seen. So they are almost saying hey come and eat this Big Mac that has all of this fat and bad stuff for you, but be sure to attempt and burn it off by tracking the amount of moving around you do throughout the day. I bet that the average combo at McDonald's, one cannot even burn off by just walking around.

As I sit here in my viewless cube with the brown walls closing in on me, my mind wanders. I think of a number of unimportant (at least for the moment) thoughts, and try to ignore most of it.

What happened to that band? I think they are going insane, or something. Probably growing as a band artistically, or spiritually, or something. It's crazy how a band can produce some good tracks recorded, but then perform them, when true fans that have been with them for some time expect the same kind of show. I mean it's good for them, they are definitely attracting more fans, only thing is that the fans are getting younger and younger. Oh well, I hope they finally make it big, they can be happy, but it really does seem like they are happy. Who knows.

So when does one just walk away? I haven't yet decided when that would be. If the good times so happen to keep on rolling right in, then keep them coming!! This month has been the craziest month of my life? Yes, it's up there. It's been great, and it almost feels like I live in two places now. For the most part I'm really torn between So. Cal and here. I mean up here there are many "professional" benefits, down there it's all "pleasure" and "academic" benefits. I never wanted to be "professional" anyways. When I venture back to So. Cal it seems that time kind of goes in slow motion, then I come back here and it's playing at normal speed, probably at 1x faster. Well in the mean time I'm here, and work is calling me, so is another day of being confined to my cubical walls.

Yes once again I'm going to........that's right you've guessed it!! It's time to unplug! Peace!

Only got a few hours of sleep last night. In preparation for yet another weekend in Southern California. Throughout the time I was awake I was waiting to put another load in the washer. I used that time to ponder, and figure out what the hell happened to time in general. Logically, time just passes. I can remember my 21st birthday being such a big deal, and some people were more hammered than myself. I look back on things now and think about the choices I've made, one must have no regrets, and keep looking forward. Or else one would keep second guessing everything, and time will pass, and one would be wasting time just thinking of choices already made. The past is what has brought you to the present, I'm sure some reflection isn't a bad thing at times, but to much reflection could result in insanity. I guess it's bad to be on any extreme, but for some reason I always find myself on an extreme. I don't quite have that down yet. Hopefully by next year I have that down, or maybe it's something that I'll have to be constantly working on. My focus in the past has been purely technical, if not completely logical. But from my past experience with humans in general, I think all of that focus was completely worthless, from a human interaction perspective. It only forces an individual to be more self absorbed. Such as my now ex-roommate. Very easy to jump on someone and accuse them of being "abrasive", yet fails to see that he himself as "brittle." Now it's understandable to pass false judgment on people, and be wrong about it. But to me and the other remaining roommate, it's about having some respect in the form of being clean. That situation gave a whole new meaning of , "Cleanliness is next to Godliness." I mean if you decide to setup a recycling center in the living room, yet leave it for months on end to pile up, I think that's very disrespectful. It's like saying, "I've been here longer than you, so I can do as I please, but be sure to be on time with the rent, and please clean up after yourself and me!" Well I'm glad that situation didn't end with me taking my driver and using his head as a golf ball. Which shows some maturity and growth. I certainly think that the 21 year old version of me would have probably went off on him, and that would have solved nothing. There must be a substantial amount of people out there that are in this mode. I've seen many people out there like this, and it scares me. I don't want to end up one day with a huge house full of things I've horded over the years. And perhaps on top of that getting into a relationship that becomes a marriage, then comes children, and then being stuck at work, and not spending time with them. If there is a divine, I'd hope that one day my ex-roommate doesn't become a father, someone needs to stop that dysfunction. Just commuting to work, working, coming home, watching TV, and then bitching about how the internet connection isn't fast enough, or how some standard isn't being implemented properly. Is that living? To some people I guess that's acceptable. I hear something entirely different calling me, but I can't quite make it out. I've never had this much free time, and for this long period of time. And I'd have to say it's nice. There is freedom, and that light at the end of the tunnel isn't fictional. But basking in the light has only made me realize that there is another tunnel to travel through. And after that there will again be yet another tunnel. At some point I don't know when it is alright to stop and bask. Maybe it's timing, maybe it's choice, maybe it's both with a little divine intervention, it could be none and just be some random chaotic sequence. So I've come to realize, that for now I'm going to just assert that, "It is, what it is." I think about the good times while rotting away in this cubical, and I smile. I've watched the sun rise SO many times, and each time it rises, I know it'll set. I remember this one time I was in Rosarito (Mexico) during spring break, and the person that drove was missing. The liquor we had consumed was completely wearing off and we were tripping out that we were still in Mexico. So 3 turned into 4 which turned into 5 in the morning, the sun was rising and we were wondering if our driver was in the local jail. That was an adventure, and that was living. I remember this one time staying up 72 hours straight to cram for finals. And being so tired that I slept in my car in the parking lot for 8 hours. I think that was living. So when does one call it quits, when do you just walk away, and decide you'd like to remember things on a good note? Look at Michael Jordan, he walked away three times. Or do you ride it out, and let it take you where it takes you? Maybe I just need to redefine "good times" as something else.

Artist: Jimmy Eat WorldTitle: Praise ChorusAlbum: Bleed AmericanAre you gonna live your life wonderin standing in the back lookin around?Are you gonna waste your time thinkin' how youve grown up or how you missed out?Things are never gonna be the way you want.Where's it gonna get you acting serious?Things are never gonna be quite what you want.Or even at 25, you gotta start sometime.Im on my feet, Im on the floor, Im good to go.Now all I need is just to hear a song I know.I wanna always feel like part of this was mine.I wanna fall in love tonight.Are you gonna live your life standing in the back looking around?Are you gonna waste your time?Gotta make a move or you'll miss out.Someone's gonna ask you what its all about.Stick around nostalgia won't let you down.Someone's gonna ask you what its all about.Whatcha gonna have to say for yourself?Im on my feet, Im on the floor, Im good to go.Now all I need is just to hear a song I know.I wanna always feel like part of this was mine.I wanna fall in love tonight.Crimson and clover, over and over.Crimson and clover, over and over.Our house in the middle of the street, why did we ever meet?Started my rock 'n roll fantasy.Don't don't, don't let's start, why did we ever part?Kick start my rock 'n rollen heart.Im on my feet, Im on the floor, Im good to go.So come on Davey, sing me somethin that I know.I wanna always feel like part of this was mine.I wanna fall in love tonight.Here tonight.I wanna always feel like part of this was mineI wanna fall in love tonight.

Artist: 311Album: From ChaosTitle: UncalmMusic: N. Hexum, T. Mahoney; Lyrics: N. Hexum, D. Martinez

Wow, this is amazing. The power requirements seems like it's still to be really hammered out. They do mention that they could install this weapon in older ships that aren't equipped with the amount of power available, but the weapon would have to fire at a lower rate. According to the article a lower rate is something like a round a minute. A ideal rate is something like 6 rounds a minute. Friggin' amazing. So I'm guessing by 2011 they plan to have all of these cool power efficent naval ships, that have the ability to power these monsters. I'm trying to figure out how we're going to do all of this while venturing out to mars?

Back at work again today. Seems pretty chill so far. Kinda nice, to know that this week should be ending in a good night out on the town.....AGAIN! Unfortunately I'll be getting another year added to my age in the process. Ugh birthdays, that just means you have to get that much more serious about everything in general. And in light of all seriousness, I noticed that my cousin is getting married soon. Now that ought to be fun, I'd love to see him toasted, i'm sure he knows how to party. But then comes those all too awkward questions from family members luckily most of them are almost dead! Questions like, "So do you have a girlfriend?".....I then glance over to my left and right, and reply...."No." Hopefully I won't be living in the bay area by then or else they probably might think i'm batting for the other team! I dislike how somehow some people without knowing make other people feel awkward. What is so wrong with being single....so I didn't buy the first car i test drove. What is the big deal. I hate to use that analogy (automobile), but it's somewhat true from the non-physical point of view. I mean one could look at the mileage on a vehicle and relate that to a numerous amount of things you look for in that almost ideal member of the opposite sex (read same sex if you are of course batting for the other team). It just makes some logical sense to relate it to cars in my view probably cause I'm a male. Perhaps females use shoes or something. I'd hate to come off chauvinistic; but I'm just trying to keep it real. I'm sure some females wouldn't mind that whole car analogy either, and I'm sure some guys (batting for the other team?) could relate to the whole shoe thing. Enough with the correctness bit, and more with the awkward feelings stuff. So what do I reply with when this feeling of awkwardness occurs? Most certainly.."Well I'm dating, and work has been keeping me really busy." When in fact it would probably really be something like....well I want to live my life, if I so happen to meet someone that can hold my attention span, then you would most likely see her here, obviously you don't see her here, so unfortunately I'm "car shopping." Ha.

I'm at Ontario Airport, using some kind of internet connection. I wonder why this is free. This is really cool.

Okay, someone should seriously outlaw, going out to lunch with co-workers and drinking. I'm seriously buzzed at work. This is just wrong. I just want to run around and steal people's staplers or something. I can even envision myself doing so. No more about that.

Stayed up late last night hacking on a photo album creation script. Finally got it the way I wanted it. So far, there are a few minor issues that will need to be handled. But for now there are pictures.

void CAlertDlg::UpdateAlertCount(){char countLabel[6];sprintf(countLabel, "%d", m_alertList.size());m_alertCount = countLabel;UpdateData(false);}

Today I've sought nourishment from the vending machines here. And I'd have to say that, it's shitty. Why can't one of those crazy health nuts out there distribute their health nut vending machine? I'd definitely wouldn't mind chowing down on some rice cakes, or potato tacos (Denise) or just something that isn't processed crap.

So far this new group is great. The meeting went smooth, and they bring donuts in the morning! These people are crazy though people were eating like three donuts! Couldn't believe it. Anyways today California, and Arizona (the servers) were both down for some time today. It seems that there was a power outage. I think Manders is going to be a little jealous of me cause I got the new 311 Greatest Hits '93-'03 Album!!!! And it's awesome. They dropped a live album awhile back. I might have to go back to the record store and grab that album too. I finally started in on designing the pictures section of the site. I hope to be done sometime tonight. People have been askin' about the pictures. Plus I think it'd be cool to have them up.

Burning Man:.....this must be an interesting event.

So some of my now ex-coworkers bring their kids into work. So one day a couple of weeks back I offered to let one of their childen play with one of my unassembled, unopened Star Wars Legos. I figured it's just going to sit in my drawer here, and I've got a number of already assembled ones up on a shelf just collecting dust. So why not. My ex-coworker brought his child into work again today, and I think his child was asking about playing with the legos again. So he brought them by, and I hooked the little guy up. It was awesome to see his face light up and get all excited.

So I pulled my "Programming Microsoft Visual C++" off of my bookshelf before I left for work this morning. Wow, this book was copyrighted in 1998. The original book on MFC was written in 1992, so this technology is quite old but for some apparent reason still being used. MFC or Win32 is the base of all that a user would see visually for all Windows platforms. Even in the highly anticipated new Windows Operation System code named "Longhorn" the old MFC/Win32 stuff is there. Amazing, it's almost like motif...in a way..hrmmm.

Wow, I can't believe it.

But eventually everything comes back to you!!!!

1 file(s) copied.1 file(s) copied.Linking...an_application.exe - 0 error(s), 114 warning(s)

Wow, it's amazing how fast one can forget things I'm currently stuck on a linking error while attempting to get this the project going.

Linking...EOBObjectManager.obj : error LNK2001: unresolved external symbol "__declspec(dllimport) void __cdecl SetMIDBClassification(unsigned int)" (__imp_?SetMIDBClassification@@YAXI@Z)MainFrm.obj : error LNK2001: unresolved external symbol "__declspec(dllimport) void __cdecl MIDBCleanUp(void)" (__imp_?MIDBCleanUp@@YAXXZ)Debug/an_application.exe : fatal error LNK1120: 2 unresolved externalsError executing link.exe.an_application.exe - 3 error(s), 0 warning(s)

Long drives are great. I got to listen to all kinds of music and just relax with my thoughts. Problem is when I over-analyse my thoughts, mix that in with fatigue and one can have some very very clouded judgement. The question should really be....."Did I have fun?" The answer is yes, and I got my nails clear coated out of it, and that is the funniest part. Honestly, I think I have a first hand account of why "Mikey" from Swingers, acted the way he did. On an entirely different note I also need to get the pictures part of my site up and running cause I'm accumulating pictures like no tomorrow. And I'm sure peeps will be asking. I think i'm going to start DZ's detox treatment today. I feel like I could use the meditation to help me take the edge off my current state. Below is a list that he sent me of herbal supplements:

-- Psylum husks (super high fiber that doesnt break down)--Milk Thistle (helps regenerate hepatocyctes (liver cells))--dandelion root (liver cleanser, diuretic , blood cleanser)--marshmallow root (soothes irritated tissue), slippery elm (sooths irritated tissue)--goldenseal (helps boost your immune system, astringent, antibacterial)--acidophilus (the healthy flora in your intestines)--parsley (good for digestion)--Red clover (good for digestion)-- raw cranberry juice (no sugar added)-- charcoal (binds and cleans)--multi vitamin--extra vitamin C, or another antioxidant

Time to unplug....again!!!! YESS!!!!

Album: Any Given ThursdayTitle: ComfortableArtist: John Mayer

I just remembered that time at the marketyou snuck up behind me and jumped on my shopping cartand rolled down Aisle 5.You looked behind you to smile back at me.Crashed into a rack full of magazines.They asked us if we could leave.I can't remember what went wrong last Septemberthough I'm sure you'd remind me if you had to.Our love was comfortable andso broken in.I sleep with this new girl I'm still getting used to.My friends all approve, say: "She's gonna be good for you."They throw me high fives.She says the Bible is all that she reads.Prefers that I not use profanity.Your mouth was so dirty.Life of the partyand she swears that she's artsy.But you could distinguish Miles from Coltraine.Our love was comfortable andso broken in.She's perfect, so flawless.Or so they say.So they say.She thinks I can't see the smile that she's fakingand poses for pictures that aren't being taken.I loved you.Gray sweaters.No makeup.So perfect.Our love was comfortable andso broken in.She's perfect, so flawless and no, noI'm not impressed.No, I want you back, back.No, no, no, no I want you back.Want you back.Back.That you were my first loveIs just dumb love.A technicality.You were ahead of me.That you were my first love.Is just dumb, dumb, stupid love.A technicality.You will always be ahead of me.Oh, oh, tell me.Why I have to practice on you.Why I have to practice on your heart.Oh.

Wow, after this whole marathon thing....one can't help but feel like the sky's the limit. Although there were some adverse effects from doing the marathon such as hobbling around for about three days, my body has seemed to bounced back. I even went for a walk, and shot around (basketball) last night. Found this cool excerpt about experiencing love and if two people's paths separate..i think...so this is from solbeams blog.

I made a deal with the divine; Im not experienced in love. But if its a lesson you deem me ready and worthy of learning, then I trust that these paths will come together again. And until then, I surrender my desire and future to your will. -- Solbeam (2004)

There's must be something wrong.....well hehehe the lakers are finally showing their true colors. Hehehe. Sucks, I've never been soo embarrased to be an ex-laker fan! Go Detroit!

I swear if I can one day articulate like John Mayer, I'm going to have to sit down and write songs or something. This guy is amazing.

Some lady in the cube over from me is on the phone with her doctor. I think the doctor is asking her about her symptoms, and the lady is like..."No, I can urinate". Just thought that was completely off the wall funny.

The office MILF is wearing an animal print zebra shirt today.....purrr. This is great.

I've been here before, but for some reason this place holds a new meaning. Which is definitely, a plus. I'm at a starbucks and the Gaysian just showed up. I'll definitely will write more tonight when I get home.

Waiting to get picked up.....this is so weird. Can't wait. Unplugged for now!!!! Yes!!!!

Holy Crap, this is funny. Who in their right mind would run around with one of these? Makes sense though. Should be fun to see what people come out with when battery technology finally takes another leap? Whenever that will be.....

I think I've figured out what I'm going to do when I'm in SD. Work on the website more. Possibly work on Antislacker ftp daemons and web-mail support for Farmer Joe's deaf club. Sorry buddy I've been really busy and ultra tired lately. Or perhaps I should just completely not bring any kind of PC with me. I've been pondering that a bit too, but if I can I need to have it with me. That's a dependency that's going to take forever to break! It's almost as bad as the need to write my thoughts down. I've also thought about writing a "treatment" for a movie. I think at some point I'm going to have to write it, it's itching to come out. I think it would be a cross of "Can't Hardly Wait" and "American Pie", but not SO generic like American Pie, and the romance has to have something to it. Somehow it would be nice to capture all of what happened in college in two hours, but I doubt that's a reality. I think that's the challenge to story telling. It's almost like Algorithms, you have to some how convey thoughts, feelings, and emotions in a short compact yet comprehensive manner. Perhaps a novel would be better.....which makes sense...first the novel, then the movie which butchers the novel, and the original story. There's always more stuff to do, than time will permit. I guess one must choose wisely.

I'm a little stressed out about what needs to get done tonight to ensure for a nice convenient weekend of much relaxation and a little pain. My goal is to pack tonight, and then review what I packed tomorrow morning and see what I really don't need. I dislike bringing the kitchen sink, and lugging it through the terminal. Other than that, work has been relaxing, and just all about getting it done. Perhaps it's because I know it's a short week for me, and that next week I'll be in a new group? Other than that, last night I slept quite well, my head hit the pillow around 6 pm, didn't wake up till 6 am, then went back to bed for another 3 hours of sleep. It was great, I have to catch up because I need to be rested for the run. I'm sure the sleep deprivation will effect my performance no matter what.

Grrr, took back my 21.3" LCD monitor today. On the long drive back, I figured it's a waste for now, I'm not home enough to really enjoy investing that much money into an overly expensive toy. I'm glad Fry's has a generous return policy, or else I'd be one worried broke ass. Luckily when I came back I didn't give away my other 19" monitor! Although my brother probably is happy with his 19". I know I would've been when I was his age! Other than being a stupid consumer, I've been really busy today trying to get my tasks for the old group finished off, and on to the new group with new tasks. I also talked to the maintenance guy today, to ask about reconfiguring my new cube to my liking. Looks like it's a go! Also been thinking alot about the trip, I'd have to say I'm extremely excited! For once in my life I'm doing something on a larger scale, all out there on my own. It's cool. I love traveling, and especially traveling to a place where I know I'll have a ton of fun. I also can't wait to get home and work on the "Pictures" portion of the site, I have all of these ideas that need to get nailed out.

ALTER PROCEDURE dbo.DatabaseRoleAdminPassword(@old varchar(128) = NULL,@new varchar(128),@loginame varchar(128),@returnValue int OUTPUT)ASEXEC @returnValue = sp_password @old, @new, @loginameRETURN

What a very needed vacation I had this weekend. It was good to be among friends, and family. To see some new youth running around, or crawling, or trying to crawl? To meet new people and hit the up the beach with Merc, DZ, and company. Smoking a real stoggie with Merc and DZ was a unique moment. Hanging out with a majority of the old crew, and getting into some serious adventure running down the streets of downtown fullerton, with the Gaysian trailing (read: hobbling). Then finishing up the night off with an early morning shit talking session of old times at the stick, and sleeping off drunkness on a historic couch. I have a ton of pics that need to be organized and uploaded to the soon to be completed "pictures" section. Overall this was an exciting weekend, and the next weekend is to be spent hopefully again with good friends, and see how well I trained with the run through San Diego!